It's been so long since I've written anything - wow, 9 months even!! - so this will probably be quite a bit of rambling. While I'm writing all of this in one day, for my readers' sake, I will divide it up into two blogs.
These last several months have been ones of contemplation and planning and looking toward the future, at least attempting to look toward the future. We've been living in the middle of nowhere for the past six months. I've been bored and lonely and incredibly tired. Today, in fact, I thought about going to bed at 2:30 pm after only driving to the post office and getting on the internet. But, then I thought what else could I do, and my mind told me to write.
I know it happens often, but I'm always amazed when a song holds a different meaning after several times of listening to it.
Thirteen years ago, I moved away from home after only being there for one year after college. College provided me a place of comfort and safety, and upon graduation, that comfort and safety was suddenly gone. I didn't really know how to create that for myself, so I tried to make it on my own. After facing two deaths, depression, anxiety, and a crisis of faith, I heard the song, Rascal Flatts' “Movin'On”. That song fit my life so perfectly. Home wasn't a place I belonged, and perhaps I could find that comfort and safety I craved in another town. There was one line that seemed to only make sense if you thought of it from a religious perspective - “And I know there are no guarantees, but I'm not alone”. Perhaps I should have thought about that line, but I was too focused on the rest of the song.
I really have no regrets about moving to Arizona. I met my husband there, and I bought my first house. And, I was able to serve my restless spirit by moving after a year and a half. And, now we've been in Washington for eleven years. It's difficult for me to realize that we've been here for so long. There were many times we considered moving, but the time just wasn't right. Now, in six to nine months, we will finally move somewhere else. My restless spirit is incredibly excited. And, I get to choose where we move next. I was able to narrow my choices to two states: California and Illinois. That's when I heard the words of Rascal Flatts' “Movin' On” again.
I barely recognize that twenty-three year-old girl who first left home and moved to Arizona. Looking back, it almost feels like she was running away, looking for anything that could make her happier than she was. True, home wasn't where she belonged, but the application of the rest of lyrics seems so weak now.
Washington gave me the opportunity to make some very close friends, to learn more about myself than I ever had before, to earn my Master's degree, and to make both very good and very bad decisions. In fact, the friends I've made here are probably the dearest ones I've ever had. I treasure them, their life experiences, and. of course, my willingness to learn from their experiences and wisdom. Despite the bad that has happened in the last several years, I am truly grateful for the person I've become.
Look for part two on Wednesday!
0 comments:
Post a Comment